Light and dark; the light casting a shadow. Good and evil struggle against each other, manifesting often in surprising forms.
These are not just the stuff of stories, but the stuff of legends.
I call them into question whenever I write. What is good? What is evil? What do we associate light with goodness while we fear the dark? True, there are things lurking in the dark that frighten us, but the light can burn and blind us.
I wasn’t certain if some of the striking dualities in fiction even existed in reality.
Now, I find myself wondering if they do, but they’re a lot less glamorous than they are in story. I’m questioning many things, fighting off a despair that paralyzes me, freezing my fingers.
Despair isn’t a source of inspiration for me. Perhaps it should be. Perhaps it should spur me on to write. For I cannot think of despair without thinking of hope.
I’ve been chasing after hope in all of my stories. Not in the form of Happily Ever After, who’s taken on an active persona as a benevolent vampire, feeding on the dreams of others to deliver them into a world of happiness.
I’ve been far more drawn to hope and the happiness I dream it will lead me, along with my characters to. Hope currently manifests as a sense that things will get better, we’re moving forward in a positive way, even if I find it hard to find the positive.
Hope is challenging to find, right now. Horrifying surprises keep popping up this year to menace and destroy people and places I love. Future threats loom over me, promising an even worse future.
I often feel like we’re living in a story, one I’m not sure I’ll survive.
All I can do is hope. Where there is despair, hope looms, drawn by our desperate need for it.
Do I really believe in my own words?
I’m not sure what I believe. I just know I’m not alone in my despair. This despair will pass, whether I survive it or not.
This I do believe. In the meantime, all I can is write, struggling with my despair, willing hope to return to me.
The struggle does help. I find hope returning if I struggle, as opposed to simply letting despair overwhelm me.
This does give me hope.